This summary is about verses 2.11 to 2.30 of the second chapter of the Gita. It is the first stop on The Self and the Body. Before it is Arjuna's Despondency, and after it comes Buddhi Yoga: The Resolute Intellect.
The answer in one line
What is lost is a body, and a life lived together. The I that dwells in the body stays the same through changing bodies, and nobody can destroy it. The Gita does not call love or tears wrong. It corrects the belief on which grief rests: that what has gone has gone entirely.
What problem this answers
Someone dear has gone, or there is a fear of losing them. Then the biggest question rises: what is it that is really lost?
Arjuna has put down his bow and his eyes are full of tears (Gita 2.1). As a disciple he asks for refuge (Gita 2.7). The Lord first listens, and then begins the teaching.
In these twenty verses the Lord does not tell Arjuna what he has to do. He speaks to what Arjuna feels he is losing.
The verses in order
Verse 2.11 says that the wise grieve neither for the dead nor for the living. The question is not about love. It is about the belief that what has gone has gone entirely. The living are mentioned too, so parting, change and the fear of loss are within its range (Gita 2.11).
Verses 2.12 and 2.13 say that we all have always been and will always be. The Lord counts Himself too. The body changes through childhood, youth and old age, and the I stays the same. Taking another body is a stage of the same kind (Gita 2.12–13).
Verses 2.14 and 2.15 say that pleasure and pain, cold and heat come and go, so bear them with patience. One whom they do not disturb is fit for immortality. This is taken up in Equanimity (Gita 2.14–15).
Verses 2.16 to 2.18 give a measure. What changes and ends has no lasting being, and is called asat. What always is cannot be absent, and is called sat. That by which this whole world is pervaded cannot be destroyed by anyone (Gita 2.16–18).
Verses 2.19 to 2.21 say that none kills the self and none is killed. The self is unborn, eternal and ancient (Gita 2.19–21).
Verses 2.22 to 2.25 hold three images that answer three fears. The first is of clothes, for the fear of wearing out: old clothes are left and new ones put on. The second is of weapons, fire, water and wind, for the fear of harm: these cannot touch the self. The third is of the unseen, for the fear of the unknown: the self is not seen, yet it does not change. Here for the first time "do not grieve" comes as a conclusion (Gita 2.22–25).
Verses 2.26 to 2.28 are a second answer for a second listener. Even if you hold the self to be born and to die again and again, there is no ground for grief over what cannot be avoided. Beings are unmanifest at the start, manifest in the middle and unmanifest again at the end. Why lament (Gita 2.26–28)?
And verses 2.29 and 2.30 say that the self is a wonder. Even after hearing, nobody truly knows it. The sum is that the self dwelling in every body is always beyond harm, so grief for anyone is not fitting (Gita 2.29–30).
The main points to remember
Test it on your own life
The body of childhood is not there today, yet we say "I am the same." What says "I" is the self. What it dwells in is the body.
"Asat" does not mean useless or false
It means what does not last. The body and its pleasure and pain are real, but they are not a lasting base.
Three arguments, three listeners, one goal
The first argument is the nature of the self (Gita 2.16–25). The second is for one who does not accept it: there is no ground for grief over what cannot be avoided (Gita 2.26–28). The third is the one self in all (Gita 2.29–30). There is no clash among them. The Gita's comfort is built so that it stands even if the first argument is not accepted.
The Lord admits this is not easy to understand
This is plain in verse 2.29 (Gita 2.29). Not understanding after hearing is part of the same truth. No pressure is put on the listener.
When we say "I" we join four things
The first is the body, which changes. The second is the mind and senses, which the self carries with it, as wind carries scent from a flower (Gita 15.7–8). The third is the sense of being the doer. Actions are done by the qualities, but ego says "I am the doer" (Gita 3.27). And the fourth is the knower behind all of these. The body is the "field", and the knower of it is different (Gita 13.2). "The self is imperishable" does not mean that each of our habits or memories will stay as they are.
The journey of grief runs through the whole Gita
Arjuna weeps in verse 2.1. In verse 11.1 he says his delusion is gone (Gita 11.1). And in verse 18.73 he says his delusion is destroyed, his memory has returned, and he will act as the Lord has said (Gita 18.73). The Lord closes the teaching with the very words He began with: "do not grieve" (Gita 18.66).
The difference is that in verse 2.11 the grief is over loss and death, and the answer is the nature of the self. In verse 18.66 the grief is over one's own unfitness and faults, and the answer is refuge.
Streams of commentary
Both streams reach the same practice. On "we all have always been", in one stream the selves are many, and each loved one's own self remains. In the other the self is one, and the one we think lost was never apart from us. And verse 2.26 is taken by some as a concession, by others as a repetition of the same teaching.
Common misunderstandings
The first misunderstanding is that the self is immortal, so grieving is wrong. That is not so. The verses correct a belief, not grief. Arjuna gets teaching, not a scolding. One who takes the pain of others as his own is called the best yogi in the Gita (Gita 6.32), and the compassionate devotee is dear (Gita 12.13).
The second is that if nobody can die, it makes no difference to harm anyone. That is not so. Verses 2.19 to 2.21 are about the self. The weight of action is taught separately (Gita 3.27), and the argument of duty is separate.
The third is that the body is "asat", so it is worthless. That is not so. Asat means no lasting base. It does not mean trivial.
The fourth is that this teaching is only for the dead. That is not so. Verse 2.11 counts the living too.
The fifth is that saying "one who is born will surely die" is harsh. It seems so when read alone. But it is for one who finds the first answer hard, and it is joined to the next verse.
And the sixth is that if one self is in all, the dear person becomes a thing that can be replaced. That is not so. For one who sees the Lord in all and all in the Lord, nothing is lost from sight (Gita 6.30).
How to take it up
There is a plain order. First look at your own life. Through all the changes since childhood, who has stayed one (Gita 2.13)? Then think about what it was in the one you loved that is hard to hold within any body (Gita 2.20). Let the lack remain. Nowhere do the verses say to remove it. When grief returns, come back to one line that holds you (Gita 2.30). The wave of memory also comes and goes. Neither fight it, nor be swept away with it. And do not hurry, for even the Lord admits that it is not easy to understand (Gita 2.29).
In another person's grief, listen first (Gita 2.1), and speak when they ask (Gita 2.7). Do not begin with "they have not gone anywhere." Speak of that person: their habits, their laugh, the life lived together. Give the listener room to think and decide (Gita 18.63).
If you have to explain it in thirty seconds
Grief is for the going of a body and of a life lived together. But the Gita says the I that dwells in the body stays the same from childhood to old age through changing bodies. Weapons do not cut it and fire does not burn it. For one who finds this hard to see, the Lord gives a second argument: there is no ground for lament over what cannot be avoided. The Gita does not stop tears. It corrects the mistaken belief that what has gone has gone entirely.
Related hubs: The Self and the Body (path) · Arjuna's Despondency (before) · Buddhi Yoga: The Resolute Intellect (next) · Equanimity · Duty Honour and Fear