Meena tells her ten-year-old son every evening to put the phone down and read a book. He opens the book, but his eyes keep going to his mother's hand. Her phone has been in it all evening. He has not ignored her. He has learned from what she does and not from what she says.
The same thing happens at work. A manager who gives a talk about being on time at every meeting, and walks in ten minutes late himself, soon finds the whole team arriving late. Nobody on the team sees anything wrong in it.
Do the young really learn what we do and not what we say? The Gita answers plainly. Whatever a respected person does, others do (Gita 3.21). Everyone is respected by someone, so our conduct is always teaching, whether we mean it to or not.
What the Gita says about those who look up to us
Lord Krishna gives Arjuna this as a simple rule.
स यत्प्रमाणं कुरुते लोकस्तदनुवर्तते ॥ ३.२१ ॥
Whatever a great person does, ordinary people follow. Whatever standard such a person sets, the world follows.
The verse says that people follow the conduct of those they look up to, and that the world follows the standard such a person accepts. It sounds like a verse for kings and saints, but its circle can be very small. Children watch their parents. A younger brother watches his elder brother. A new employee watches a senior. The children of a street watch the old man who waters the plants every morning. Whoever is being watched has become an example, whether or not he wanted to be.
There is a second thought. The Lord tells Arjuna that, with the welfare of the world in view, he ought to act (Gita 3.20). Our work is never only ours. It reaches the people who watch us.
What kind of acting teaches well?
Must we be perfect in everything in order to teach? The Gita does not ask for that. It asks for work done well and without clinging to the result: do your duty always, and well, free of clinging, because the person who does so reaches the Supreme (Gita 3.19).
Think of two people doing the same job. The first works to be praised and rewarded and to make a name. The second does the same work, but her mind is not fixed on what she will get back. From outside the two look alike. Inside they are far apart. The Gita puts it this way: the ignorant act clinging to the result, and the wise should do the same work free of clinging, wishing the world's good (Gita 3.25). That wish for the good of others is what the verses call acting for the welfare of the world.
The work is the same and the inner state differs. When the grip on the result is loose, the work carries a calm, and the calm reaches others. A person who keeps counting what he has got may do excellent work, and yet the people watching sense his restlessness.
The Lord Himself is the model. He has nothing to obtain in all three worlds, and yet He goes on acting. If He sat down tired, everyone would take His path, and the order of things would scatter (Gita 3.22–24). If this is true even of Him, it is all the more true of us.
How to guide people who do not see it yet
Suppose some people around you work only for rewards, and you would like them to see differently. The Gita gives gentle advice. The wise person should not shake the minds of those who are attached to their work. He should do all his own work well, in the right spirit, and so draw them into it.
जोषयेत्सर्वकर्माणि विद्वान्युक्तः समाचरन् ॥ ३.२६ ॥
The wise should not create confusion in the minds of the ignorant who are attached to action. Rather, being established in the right spirit and performing all actions well, they should inspire others to do the same.
This verse means that lecturing and looking down are not the way. Telling someone "you only work for the reward" breaks their spirit and does not move them forward. They have some sense of duty, though a small one, and the task is to carry it forward without shaking it.
The way is the one already described. Keep doing your work steadily and without announcing it. When others see you doing as much and staying calm, a question rises in their own minds, and a question that comes from within does its work.
One more point. A person who is content in the self does not need anyone to see and applaud (Gita 3.17, Gita 3.18). That is why such a person can work for the work's sake and not for show.
What this does not mean
It is not for show. If you behave well only so that people notice and are impressed, the example will not last. Children and colleagues sense quickly when someone is acting. An example works only when the grip on the result is really loose.
It is not a demand for perfection. A person who slips is still on this path. The Gita speaks of steady, good work. Children and teams are not looking for a flawless person. They are looking for someone who tries honestly and admits a slip.
It does not mean pouring out your own life for others. It concerns the quality of ordinary work: how you speak, whether you are on time, whether you leave a place clean.
A second example
Ramesh is the oldest teacher in a small school. He is the first to arrive each morning. He wipes the table in the staff room, straightens the scattered chairs, and goes quietly to his class. He says nothing to anyone about it.
In a few weeks the new teachers start arriving early as well. One day someone straightens the chairs, another day someone washes the cups. Nobody was lectured and nobody was told off. Ramesh did his work the same way every day, and the others watched.
Compare this with Meena and the manager. They said a lot, and their own conduct said the opposite. Ramesh said nothing, and his conduct was what he wanted to see. The result in both places is what the verse says: people do what they see.
A practice for today
Pick one thing you often ask others to do: being on time, speaking kindly, keeping things tidy. Do it yourself today, quietly, without announcing it and without waiting to be noticed. In the evening, see whether anything has changed, and let go of whether anyone saw.
Questions readers ask
Do I have to be perfect for my example to count?
No. The Gita asks for steady work done well and without clinging (Gita 3.19), not for perfection. People recognise sincere effort, and they see the slips too.
Should I correct someone who behaves selfishly?
The Gita advises against shaking their minds (Gita 3.26). Work well yourself and show the way by what you do. A calm example opens the door to a talk later, and then the other person asks.
What if nobody notices my effort?
The person who is content within needs no audience (Gita 3.18), and our aim is to move in that direction. The effect of conduct also works slowly, because people take up what they see (Gita 3.21).
Does acting for others mean forgetting myself?
No. These verses speak of doing your own duty well (Gita 3.19), and the good of the world is added as one more reason (Gita 3.20). It does not take the place of your duty.
Go deeper
For the same verses taken one by one, see the detailed reading. For the close reading with the commentators and the objections, see the deeper reading. The topic before this one is Work as Sacrifice, which shows how to do work as an offering.